| Are You Loving Yourself As You Love Your Neighbor? |
Pretending to Be More than Have you noticed how you feel drawn to a person WHO WILL GO FIRST in admitting a weakness or goof-up? Typically our respect for that person soars and we feel a closeness and fondness for him. We are drawn to people whom we don't have to be on guard with—people who ADMIT they make mistakes. We like folks who admit their weaknesses because they do us the favor of revealing what we are afraid to say about ourselves. When THEY put THEIR FLUBS out there for the world to see, and they are still accepted and loved, WE feel grateful because we got to feel better about ourselves while THEY took all the risk. They brought us the VALIDATION that our foibles are just foibles. They are not shocking moral failures. Just mistakes. Just sins. Just human. What a gift. What a friend. So instead of continuing to lumber on with all of our armor and force fields and camouflage and suspicion and closedness--and the 67 other ways we think we are protecting ourselves--we could |
The six-year old, the sixteen-year-old, even the 76-year old. Each is at a different growth point on his journey but all are remarkably similar down deep. All of us are desperate to be INCLUDED and mortified of being exposed and REJECTED. What could we do about that? In many important ways people are predictable and constant. If you lead with patience and understanding you will almost always get that back. If you cut others off you will get hostility back. If another person is inconsiderate to you and you respond kindly, he will feel guilty and very often calm himself—maybe even apologize. When someone sincerely takes responsibility and apologizes, we are inclined toward forgiveness. There are exceptions of course. Some people will rip you off—they are just drowning in their pain and rage. But way more often than not the things that please you, please others. The things that they fear, you fear. Your longings are their longings. We are all made of the same stuff, with the same yearnings, trying to get to the same place.
|
|
 |
|
Healthy Steps Through Messy Times |
|
This column features the thoughtful action taken by somebody in a tough spot. Sometimes they experience soaring exuberance in a world of pain and challenge, other times they just muddle through, doing what is right, good and healthy but having little impact on their world. This may put |
you in touch with some transcendent times, or it may help you find satisfaction in a job you did well-but-not-perfectly. Maybe you will begin (or continue) to notice the amazing little stories that are swirling in and around you all the time. And to respect yourself for the good you do. |
| He Raised Himself | ||
|
||
When Ron was a kid he was on his own. He had two parents and a stay-at-home mom who loved him, but he roamed as he pleased. He didn’t displease or disrespect his folks—he just went where he would. He wasn't really disobedient, nor was he fearless. His parents just didn't think to place too many limitations on him, and so off he went. No fences in Ron's young life. As an enterprising 12-year-old he got a paper route—without asking, and without disregarding. He just thought it was a good idea, so he did it. He picked up the papers a mile from where he lived along a dark highway and delivered them after school. Ron always covered his route, did his job, and he felt bad if he ever had to short somebody because he wasn't given enough papers by the manager who supplied him. In the summer that was fine, but in the winter the sun set early and it was dark by the time Ron finished his route. He was riding his bike with a big basket of papers along a busy road as cars whizzed along through the blackness just a few feet to the left of him. Years later, Ron would drive along that same road and he realized how narrow it was—still is. And how heavy the traffic was, and how fast the cars went. And how close they must have been to him when he was a boy. How surprised he was that he never got killed. As an adult, with an adult's perspective, it occurred to Ron how alone he had been with some of his decisions, and how valuable it would have been to him if his folks had been more aware of where he was, more involved in his decisions, and if they had given him more direction that would have helped keep him safe. Ron would never let his kid deliver papers along that road on a bike. |
__________________________________________ __________________________________________ Were there times that your parents took back some of your freedom and __________________________________________ __________________________________________ How are you doing with your kids? Are you abandoning them? Do you allow them to make decisions that are way beyond them? __________________________________________ __________________________________________ |
|
Possibly Made Up Q & A? |
||
Yep, this is one of the oldest tricks in the book–pretending I have been asked a question about something I want to write about. Except I get asked about things like this a lot. |
||
| Appearance | Join in a little and be her ally where you can, rather than stand aside and broadcast your disapproval. That's a sure way to continue to be left out. |
|
Q: My 14-YO daughter is only interested in clothes, make-up and her appearance. How can I get her to change? I have also noticed that girls can narrow their attention to only how they look, and let's talk about how to help that. You might try this: instead of continuing to stress what she is doing wrong, could you present her with a buffet of choices? There are many, many other wholesome, growthsome interests to stimulate in her. Take her to one of the large bookstores and buy her a hot chocolate. Then drift through the store, just her and you, and see what catches her eye. Be a little patient. At first she may go right for the fashion magazines. Take her hiking. Bring her into the kitchen and show her how to bake a pie. Do it with her, and make the time enjoyable for her. Yes, there is a huge world for her to unlock, but getting started
|
|
It's easier to keep doing the same few things again and again. Sprinkle a few things at a time in front of her, and do it with real love and patience. Don't take it personally if she has to look at lots of things before there is one that really stirs up her passion. Keep trying, and keep trying. Something will click. |
Hey!
If you know someone else who would find the 10 by 10 newsletters |
| Want to Know a Little More? |
|
|||
I have a web site that tells you more about who I am, what my credentials are and how I think. You can gain more of a sense of my morals and spiritual values there as well. I will store this series of newsletters there and also offer other help such as: Excerpts from my 10 by 10 Workbook An Invitation to my 10 by 10 Funshops |
