| Are You Loving Yourself As You Love Your Neighbor? |
Are You Still Protecting Yourself? If you feel unsure of yourself, if you doubt your worth, or if you absolutely writhe in your own skin because you don't like who you are, it isn't surprising that you would try to protect yourself from being wounded any more. Your defenses are some of the interpersonal techniques you have developed and now rely on to keep people from getting to know all of whom you are. You keep them at a little distance because you fear that if they really knew you, they would be shocked and turn away in disgust. But what if your flaws are just ordinary human weakness, and you are over reacting to them? In that case, the defenses you are using are not protecting you as much as isolating you, and preventing you from having some nice healing experiences. If you selectively let one or two people in your world know more of the real you—and they DON'T turn and run away—you may come to feel more accepting of yourself. Ready to give it a try? |
 Patient: Doc, I can't stop singing "The Green, Green Grass of Home." Doctor: It sounds like you have Tom Jones Syndrome. Patient: Is that common? Doctor: "It's not unusual."
What would you name a cow with two legs? Ilene.
How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one. But it takes a whole bunch of light bulbs… |
One of the ways I keep people from getting too close to me is by
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It is possible that you are trying to defend yourself from real emotional attacks that happened decades ago. That war is over now, and you have outlasted it. From those years you may have come to believe that your plain-old human faults are worse than those that other people have. But maybe you are just right there in the middle of the pack with the rest of us—not better or worse. If that is true, can you let it in? Can you let some relief wash over you, realizing that you aren't—and never were—a bad person? |
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Healthy Steps Through Messy Times |
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| This column features the thoughtful action taken by somebody in a tough spot. Sometimes they experience soaring exuberance in a world of pain and challenge, other times they just muddle through, doing what is right, good and healthy but having little impact on their world. This may put you in touch with some | transcendent times, or it may help you find satisfaction in a job you did well-but-not-perfectly. Maybe you will begin (or continue) to notice the amazing little stories that are swirling in and around you all the time. And to respect yourself for the good you do. |
| Jeremy is Learning to Sing | ||
...I admired him for the risk he took. I liked him MORE for the trying than the succeeding. |
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Jeremy is 7, in first grade and really getting the hang of reading. He reads a little older than his age, because he wants to catch up and be up with the adults around him. At a recent meeting I noticed Jeremy a few seats away, nose deep in his songbook, mouth wide open, swaying and otherwise singing with his whole body. I like to sing like that myself, so when he walked by later I put an arm around him and whispered, "Hey pal, would you like to come over and sing the final song with me?" He seemed pleased I asked and showed up with his songbook ten minutes before the meeting was over. I remained seated next to my new friend, so we were heads-level for the song. And I matched his volume so he could hear me and still hear himself. The song was a march that moved along quickly. A little quicker than Jeremy could read. I forgot what a struggle that could all be till my head was down there 6 inches from his. He was racing to read and pronounce the words, and likely thrown by the unusual word order needed to make rhymes. Jeremy kept falling behind, but then he would make one of his occasional leapfrogs from where he was to where the music was. And if that wasn't enough, there was the matter of the TUNE.
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Jeremy couldn't keep up with all that reading and actually hear and sing the tune, you see. Not even close. His approach to singing, at least for now, was to loudly broadcast the words in changing tones which, dear friends, had little to do with the tune the rest of us were singing. It was all a race for him to try to see and figure out the words, PRONOUNCE THE WORDS, and then somehow LOUDLY CALL THEM OUT in changing tones, while not falling TOO FAR BEHIND. Oh, and probably take a breath in there a time or two as well. Passion We can help our young folks feel good about trying new things, and not having to be perfect without ever having tried. Let's normalize the newness, and take gentle delight in all of it. And let's remember the courage of kids who risk trying something new with all their heart. When was the last time you put yourself out there in a new endeavor, and exposed yourself to the complete riskiness of it all? I love Jeremy more for his trying than his results. He wants to sing like me, fine. I want to have his courage and unembarrassed willingness to try something new! |
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Hmm. The last real risk I took in learning something new was the time I don't like the awkward feeling of learning a new skill so I tend to |
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Possibly Made Up Q & A? |
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Yep, this is one of the oldest tricks in the book–pretending I have been asked a question about something I want to write about. Except I get asked about things like this a lot. |
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| Psychotherapy | There is good therapy and mediocre therapy, just the same as |
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Q: I don't like the idea of psychotherapy. But then there is good therapy and mediocre therapy, just the same as with any other craft. Some therapists have abused their authority and trust. That is always bad, and always wrong. Some therapists are in the biz who probably are marginally competent. But at its' best, therapy can be a wonderful adventure, like a humbling walk in the red woods. Sometimes scary, sometimes exciting, sometimes gratifying and reassuring. What would be so bad about that, Norm? Therapy can be honest and deep in ways that we seldom dare go to with a friend, and not even with our mate. The beauty of paying for it is that you get a competent, trained professional whom you owe nothing else to. |
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And this person is not part of your social circle. So you only see him at therapy. You go there—and it takes courage to go—and you expose some of your vulnerabilities and you heal. And then you take that learning back and use it with THE REAL PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE. Think about how advantageous that can be to you, Norm |
| Want to Know a Little More? |
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I have a web site that tells you more about who I am, what my credentials are and how I think. You can gain more of a sense of my morals and spiritual values there as well. I will store this series of newsletters there and also offer other help such as: |
