How to Speak Up
When You are Scared
to Speak Up

Many of us dread disagreement, let alone conflict. We don't want to handle it, don't want to deal with it. We just want it to go away. Is there any easy way out of it?

Easy? Maybe. Magic? Nope. You just have to summon the courage and face it. Your fear may be an overreaction in the present left from those days when you were paralyzed with fright as a kid. The tips I am suggesting can give you wisdom, skill and confidence to handle the little and big conflicts in your life. If all goes well here, and if you practice in your daily routine, you will grow some new connections in your neural network, and enjoy the peaceful results in your life.

See if this helps: take your subject seriously, but go lightly and gently. Be easy to listen to. Don't attack, belittle, or use sarcasm. Speak with the hopeful straightforwardness that will bring out the best in both of you.

1 When it is time to bring up a subject that is important to you, try an approach like this:

"I would like to talk with you about something that is important to me. Is this a time that you can give me your complete attention and hear me all the way out? It would mean a lot to me."

2 Briefly but definitely affirm the value of your relationship.

"I enjoy so much of our life together and I want all to be well with us. And I am sure this conversation will draw us closer."

3 State your concern softly, lightly, warmly, considerately (both your tone and word choice show peaceful intentions, and may bring out the same in your mate)

"Hon, sometimes I feel discouraged and taken for granted here at home. I think it would help me a lot if you were to thank me more for the chores I do around the house. I would also like you to notice what I am doing and tell me how good my work looks. Would you do that for me, please?"

"I would like a response from you now. Thank you for listening without interruption. I will try to match your good will and courtesy, my Little Sugar Dumplin."

4 Listen deeply. Be open to hearing something from your mate that you hadn't thought of. As impossible as it sounds, you might learn from your mate, too!

Keep trying to speak up with genuineness. You will notice you get more skillful with practice, and you will really like how that works and how that feels.

This column features the thoughtful action taken by somebody in a tough spot. Sometimes they experience soaring exuberance in a world of pain and challenge, other times they just muddle through, doing what is right, good and healthy but having little impact on their world. This may put

I can't remember The One Very Best Day of My Life. I draw a blank. But I can recall many, many wonderful ones. Like this one:

It was spring. I was driving home from work with my window down, dazed at how sweet and warm the air is after all of that winter. Just at the time I was driving through a low swampy area, the Hallelujah chorus by Handel came on my car radio. Outside, the frogs and peepers and whoever-else makes those cheerful little sounds were all creaking away. Inside was the majesty of all those voices thundering "King of Kings, forever and ever." I didn't know which to listen to. First the one, then the other. Then the radio down low with the chirpers in the background. I was on pleasure overload… I was just spilling over with how good I felt and how grateful I was for the astonishing gift of being alive and able to sense the stunning world around me.

Know what I mean?

Yeah, Dave, I have had some special moments of my own which come back to me and warm my heart. One that made me feel very glad to be alive recently was when

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