| Are You Loving Yourself As You Love Your Neighbor? |
I Like Your Efficiency. Now Can You Be More Silly? Here's a thought: maybe you could gain back some perspective and some patience with the rest of us who just get in your way in the world by rediscovering your sense of humor. Often hurried, critical folks seem to have lost their ability to laugh. Life has become as hard as concrete to them, and they see little to be amused about. Is that you? Have you become overly serious, unhappy, or hard to please? Are you always in a hurry? Have you lost touch with your sense of what's absurd? Can you find no pleasure in seeing your kids with their boots on the wrong feet? There is obviously a time to take serious things seriously, but it is a weakness, NOT A STRENGTH to take minor things too seriously. Need to lighten up, dude?
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As you rediscover your sense of humor, you won't have to "work" on patience so much. You will regain perspective. There will be gentleness and an unflappable quality about you that allows those who are with you to let down their guard and be themselves. Don't forget what a doofus we can all be. Especially you!
And what about this possibility: are you having fun in some areas of your life, but have you become sour and impatient with your family? Maybe outsiders DO see you as light-hearted and charming. But you want your family to get ALL YOUR BEST, right? Is that how things are going? Or are there some shifts you could make so that the ONES YOU SAY YOU LOVE THE MOST are the ones you actually SHOW THE MOST LOVING ACTIONS TOWARDS? Hmmm?
I remember being in a hurry when I was talking to this person, and feeling guilty later for blowing him off: ________________________________________
I was in a hurry when I started talking to this person, but then I slowed down and got involved in a meaningful conversation. We even had some nice eye contact when we spoke about: ________________________________________ ________________________________________ |
Healthy Human Sexuality |
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When I entered the therapy biz I had no idea where my experiences would take me. I have found that there is a hushed, urgent longing to talk about and hear sound, specific information about our sexual functioning as humans. |
I try to touch on the things that people want to know and hesitate to ask about. I also try to fortify your determination to live by healthy sexual standards. I try to level with teens about sexual pleasure in a healthy way. |
Have You Ever Met a Sexualized Child? |
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One young women told me she remembered that she wanted |
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A few years ago a story broke in the national news about a child who was abducted and killed. One shocking aspect of the story was that the girl was often entered in child beauty pageants. The child may have been about 6 at the time, but she was made up in an adult style, and she wore make up and adult-looking clothes.
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The final result was not pretty or cute or beautiful. It was creepy. The girl was made to look provocative, alluring. Maybe the people in the pageants would say that is not their intention, but they wouldn't convince me. I see this around, and maybe you have, too: children who know more than they should know. Kids who are seductive or seem to have a sexual sense about them way before puberty. In others this may show up as a very early puberty. I can't explain it all in biological terms, but I have met children whose sexual switch was turned on way too early in life. One young women told me she remembered that she wanted to look sexy when she was in kindergarten. When I see and hear stories of sexualized kids, I wonder if they have been exposed to pornography or otherwise sexually abused. Perhaps they were forced to wear a certain expression on their face, or dance so as to stimulate their abusers. We weren't there to see the abuse, but we might be seeing the hangover. It's right there, right on her face. Is that a clue calling out to us? Is her unconscious asking us to notice and help her? How else would they know to do it? ( an excerpt from my forthcoming book: |
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Possibly Made Up Q & A? |
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Yep, this is one of the oldest tricks in the book–pretending I have been asked a question about something I want to write about. Except I get asked about things like this a lot. |
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Antidepressants |
From inside yourself you may not be able to clearly feel how much depression is affecting you. |
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Q: My friends think I am depressed and want me to take an antidepressant. A: By 2005 there were some 20 antidepressants on the market, and the truth is, we don't know exactly why they work—when they work at all. Admittedly the medications to help people feel better are relatively new and they leave a lot to be desired. Some folks are concerned about side effects as well. The press has reported that some antidepressants have been linked to suicide, but the press has done a lousy job of reminding folks what a tiny, tiny number of cases that is.
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Remember, I am not a physician and I am not giving you formal medical advice. You should see your MD for that. But here are a few general things that may be useful to you: antidepressants have been taken zillions of times by zillions of people, and overall they do way more GOOD than harm. They may help you a little or a lot, but the chance of them hurting you is very small. To me they are a way to boost your functioning in day-to-day life, and I suggest you consider these meds a way to help yourself the same way you might take vitamin C to ward off colds. I tell persons in my office that, yes, there may be some slight negative side effects of taking antidepressants, but there is also the big side effect of not taking them—the continuation of your depression. The use of time-tested antidepressants will not entirely change who you are—in fact if they work, they will release you from your depressive symptoms and free you to be MORE OF WHO YOU REALLY ARE. And these days you may well be able to get a trial prescription right from your primary care physician, whom you probably can get in to see with just a few days notice. From inside yourself you may not be able to clearly feel how much depression is affecting you. If the person urging you to try antidepressants is one who really loves you, I would give it a try. There is much for you to gain and little to lose. And stay on long enough to give em an honest try. |
Hey!
If you know someone else who would find the 10 by 10 newsletters |
Want to Know a Little More? |
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I have a web site that tells you more about who I am, what my credentials are and how I think. You can gain more of a sense of my morals and spiritual values there as well. I will store this series of newsletters there and also offer other help such as: Excerpts from my 10 by 10 Workbook An Invitation to my 10 by 10 Funshops |
