Our sexual energy is one of our strongest drives—on a par with our need for food—but we may often feel like we have to pretend we don’t have such urges. And we CERTAINLY don’t need any help with them!

Some teens learn early on that they can become intoxicated by their sexual feelings and they like to escape into all that excitement. They think about sex a lot, they look at the other gender and imagine sexual contact with various ones. They masturbate or they go out and have as much sex as they can. And there are a lot of young folks doing it. Young women have figured out a sure-fire way of getting noticed—low tops, low waists, low morals. It works. Always.

Some guy is always looking.

Our Creator made us as sexual creatures, and he made our drives as compelling as they are. That is why, despite the disadvantages of bearing and raising children the human family has never died out: the sexual urge is too strong! But we can govern that, pretty well, most of the time.

The world we live in is a cruel one for our young folks. They have come through puberty and are newly aware of their sexual attraction, but they are way too young to marry and express their sexuality safely and honorably in marriage. The advertising world bombards us—and our kids—with cunning erotic images which they overlay on products they are trying to sell. The products may be quite forgettable, but the sexual imagery is much harder to dismiss. Our young folks become more filled with sexual tension. And they may deal with it by looking and acting in a more sexual way, or they may try to get rid of it in more healthy ways.

Help your teenagers (and yourself, if you need to!) find ways to discharge their built up sexual tension. Help them stay busy with vitally absorbing interests. Show them how to continue to enlarge themselves in ways that leave them feeling good about themselves. Help them discover an exercise outlet or a sport they like as a counterweight to constantly feeling sexually aroused. Running, hiking. Yes, I know. This is easier said than done. People can become as addicted to acting on their sexual feelings as they are to alcohol.

Have this talk with your teen. Borrow my words to get you started if you have to. But HAVE THIS TALK:

Most of us would say we can find room in our heart to put the needs of a newborn ahead of ourselves. We acknowledge and respect the frailty of an infant and we would feel terrible if we, by our wanton sexual practices, brought a child into the world that we could not care for. We see this done all around us all the time as careless persons deal with unwanted pregnancies by abortion or abandonment. These are practiced so commonly now that they have become the new normal, and many folks have found ways to get around their guilt. But abandonment and abortion and anything short of loving, attentive parenting is WRONG.

If we feel the awe and reverence that life deserves we will be careful with it. We will drive like safety is the most important thing—not like we are in a video game and can get another car if we smash this one up.

If we have awe and reverence for life we will be thoughtful about sex. Males will not try to push females into sexual activity, and females will send unambiguous messages about their virtue and chasteness. Life is too precious: a new human baby deserves to be born to two mature, married folks who want him, love him and can go the distance of raising him. That’s what is right. That’s what is healthy. That’s the life we want our kids to want for themselves.

And if folks aren’t married and ready to care lovingly for a child, THEY AREN’T READY FOR SEX.

Part of respecting ourselves means that we are principled, respecting the dignity of other humans—even those we disagree with, even those who cut us off and swear at us in traffic.

Men who look at pornography are looking at suffering human beings. People in a world of pain. Humans who think so little of themselves that they are willing to deprave themselves in public. Do you really want to be a party to that? Do you want to give your attention and your money to feed the sick world of porn? DO YOU LIKE THINKING OF YOURSELF AS ONE OF ITS SUPPORTERS? Do you, by viewing pornography, want to prey on these poor wounded souls and keep their pain going? Almost surely those who pose for porn were sexually abused as children, so you also find yourself in conspiracy with that. (No one can say that for sure, but how many persons would want to be in porn who were NOT abused sexually as children?) Pornography is ugly and depraved and dehumanizing for everyone involved in it. Healthy persons see how sick pornography is. They are repulsed by it. The healthiest part of ourselves is indignant about porn, we want to be as far away as we can be. We don’t want to give it our attention, our time, our support or our money.

When you marry your sex life will not usually be like a porn movie. Pornography is a lie. Human sexual expression is real, it is between two real people, and it is for keeps. It is a deep and tender expression between a real man and a real woman living a real life who have committed to live together all their lives, and to stay loyal to each other. It is at its best and most healthy.

Looking at porn is not loyal to your mate. If you are excited by porn—or even addicted to pornography and masturbation—consider the harm you are doing to yourself: you are putting more importance on fantasy than your real life. You are betraying your wife (if you are a male); cheapening and degrading yourself. You are trading what is precious—your loving relationship with your mate—for what is filthy and demeaning. Porn is exciting but not worth it. You won’t like who you are. You have to hide who you are. You feel guilty, and you lose the sweet and honest feeling of self-respect which comes from keeping your sexual expressions in-bounds—limited to you and your mate.

Even agreeing with what I have said, there may be days when you are weak and you give into temptation. You give in to the lure of pornography and use it. What then? Get up and try again. The important thing is not to give up.

People make mistakes and they can recover. But if you see a pattern in yourself, one of getting excited and using pornography, then feeling bad and promising not to go back to it, and then returning again—perhaps for years—you need more help. You can’t do it yourself. Who would you ask for help?

This problem may even get worse in the years to come. There is a huge demand for pornography in our culture. It has been reported that Americans spend more money on buying and viewing pornography each year than they do on all other forms of entertainment combined! So it isn’t going away and we can’t entirely get away from it.

So what is your plan to protect yourself, your marriage, your kids, and all that you hold as clean and dear?




				How Are You Handling Your Sexual Energy? Our sexual energy is one of our strongest drives—on a par with our need for food—but we may often feel like we have to pretend we don’t have such urges. And we CERTAINLY don’t need any help with them! Some teens learn early on that they can become intoxicated by their sexual feelings and they like to escape into all that excitement. They think about sex a lot, they look at the other gender and imagine sexual contact with various ones. They masturbate or they go out and have as much sex as they can. And there are a lot of young folks doing it. Young women have figured out a sure-fire way of getting noticed—low tops, low waists, low morals. It works. Always. Some guy is always looking. Our Creator made us as sexual creatures, and he made our drives as compelling as they are. That is why, despite the disadvantages of bearing and raising children the human family has never died out: the sexual urge is too strong! But we can govern that, pretty well, most of the time. Redirecting that Energy The world we live in is a cruel one for our young folks. They have come through puberty and are newly aware of their sexual attraction, but they are way too young to marry and express their sexuality safely and honorably in marriage. The advertising world bombards us—and our kids—with cunning erotic images which they overlay on products they are trying to sell. The products may be quite forgettable, but the sexual imagery is much harder to dismiss. Our young folks become more filled with sexual tension. And they may deal with it by looking and acting in a more sexual way, or they may try to get rid of it in more healthy ways. Help your teenagers (and yourself, if you need to!) find ways to discharge their built up sexual tension. Help them stay busy with vitally absorbing interests. Show them how to continue to enlarge themselves in ways that leave them feeling good about themselves. Help them discover an exercise outlet or a sport they like as a counterweight to constantly feeling sexually aroused. Running, hiking. Yes, I know. This is easier said than done. People can become as addicted to acting on their sexual feelings as they are to alcohol. Talk with Them about what Is Sacred, and Work Back to Their Sexual Practices Have this talk with your teen. Borrow my words to get you started if you have to. But HAVE THIS TALK: Most of us would say we can find room in our heart to put the needs of a newborn ahead of ourselves. We acknowledge and respect the frailty of an infant and we would feel terrible if we, by our wanton sexual practices, brought a child into the world that we could not care for. We see this done all around us all the time as careless persons deal with unwanted pregnancies by abortion or abandonment. These are practiced so commonly now that they have become the new normal, and many folks have found ways to get around their guilt. But abandonment and abortion and anything short of loving, attentive parenting is WRONG. If we feel the awe and reverence that life deserves we will be careful with it. We will drive like safety is the most important thing—not like we are in a video game and can get another car if we smash this one up. If we have awe and reverence for life we will be thoughtful about sex. Males will not try to push females into sexual activity, and females will send unambiguous messages about their virtue and chasteness. Life is too precious: a new human baby deserves to be born to two mature, married folks who want him, love him and can go the distance of raising him. That’s what is right. That’s what is healthy. That’s the life we want our kids to want for themselves. And if folks aren’t married and ready to care lovingly for a child, THEY AREN’T READY FOR SEX. And Respect the Personhood of Women Part of respecting ourselves means that we are principled, respecting the dignity of other humans—even those we disagree with, even those who cut us off and swear at us in traffic. Men who look at pornography are looking at suffering human beings. People in a world of pain. Humans who think so little of themselves that they are willing to deprave themselves in public. Do you really want to be a party to that? Do you want to give your attention and your money to feed the sick world of porn? DO YOU LIKE THINKING OF YOURSELF AS ONE OF ITS SUPPORTERS? Do you, by viewing pornography, want to prey on these poor wounded souls and keep their pain going? Almost surely those who pose for porn were sexually abused as children, so you also find yourself in conspiracy with that. (No one can say that for sure, but how many persons would want to be in porn who were NOT abused sexually as children?) Pornography is ugly and depraved and dehumanizing for everyone involved in it. Healthy persons see how sick pornography is. They are repulsed by it. The healthiest part of ourselves is indignant about porn, we want to be as far away as we can be. We don’t want to give it our attention, our time, our support or our money. Focusing On and Protecting What Is Real When you marry your sex life will not usually be like a porn movie. Pornography is a lie. Human sexual expression is real, it is between two real people, and it is for keeps. It is a deep and tender expression between a real man and a real woman living a real life who have committed to live together all their lives, and to stay loyal to each other. It is at its best and most healthy. Looking at porn is not loyal to your mate. If you are excited by porn—or even addicted to pornography and masturbation—consider the harm you are doing to yourself: you are putting more importance on fantasy than your real life. You are betraying your wife (if you are a male); cheapening and degrading yourself. You are trading what is precious—your loving relationship with your mate—for what is filthy and demeaning. Porn is exciting but not worth it. You won’t like who you are. You have to hide who you are. You feel guilty, and you lose the sweet and honest feeling of self-respect which comes from keeping your sexual expressions in-bounds—limited to you and your mate. Even agreeing with what I have said, there may be days when you are weak and you give into temptation. You give in to the lure of pornography and use it. What then? Get up and try again. The important thing is not to give up. People make mistakes and they can recover. But if you see a pattern in yourself, one of getting excited and using pornography, then feeling bad and promising not to go back to it, and then returning again—perhaps for years—you need more help. You can’t do it yourself. Who would you ask for help? This problem may even get worse in the years to come. There is a huge demand for pornography in our culture. It has been reported that Americans spend more money on buying and viewing pornography each year than they do on all other forms of entertainment combined! So it isn’t going away and we can’t entirely get away from it. So what is your plan to protect yourself, your marriage, your kids, and all that you hold as clean and dear?