In recent years we see so many folks claiming to be depressed or suffering from one of the autoimmune disorders. There used to be none and now there are so many. Maybe you have wondered if any of these folks might be exaggerating the severity of their symptoms in order to get some attention.

Here are my thoughts on that:

It can be so discouraging for a hurt person not to be believed that my first inclination is to ALWAYS BE KIND AND TRUSTING to anyone who says they are suffering. And I ask you to adopt that as your ‘working position,’ too. Many of the problems in the mental/emotional area are subjective: we only have the patient’s report to go by. And people who are deeply depressed or who suffer from fibromyalgia—or one of the many other AI illnesses—can seem to go on and on and on in their sickness. They seldom feel good. They don’t get better, or much better. Or they don’t stay better. We have to believe that they don’t want to feel the way they feel.

Yet, especially if we have enjoyed good health ourselves, it can be hard for us to fathom how someone can be so incapacitated from a disorder that doesn’t leave them LOOKING sick. In our skepticism or impatience we can end up blaming hurt people for their hurt, which only makes them feel worse.

Persons who feel bad can have good days, and we hope they do, right? There is an up-and-down course for some illnesses. Some days they feel a little better—even a lot better—and they can do more. And that could leave you wondering. But again, I encourage you to be as trusting and patient as you can be. I am convinced that there are way, way more folks who are truly suffering than are faking. In my experience it is far more likely for sufferers to try not to complain, or to minimize their distress, than to exaggerate it.

That doesn’t mean nobody exaggerates. A smaller number may have learned to stay in ‘The Sick Role’ as a way to get attention. But I have never actually accused someone of malingering. Some may exaggerate a little, maybe a few exaggerate a lot. If you sense this in someone, you could try this…

Be kind, and keep your observation to yourself. If you feel taken advantage of you can limit the time you spend with that person. Decide for yourself how much time or energy you have to offer and when that is done, just say a nice “Good-bye” and leave. You don’t have to make a Big Pronouncement about why you are leaving. And you don’t have to stay and feel resentful. Just go about your business. That’s what I do. Share the number of kind words that you have to give and move on with your life. You can do that.