I think it is a good idea for us to have this discussion out in the open, and to be conscious about the way we handle our differences. The more we talk about them in a calm, respectful, deliberate way, the more I think we can keep ourselves from being polarized.

Our amazing human makeup is infinitely complex. We will no doubt get to know more about ourselves and our brain and the way we read each other and all of our depth for lifetimes into the future. Some day we will look back at where we are now and smile at how naïve we were, at what BEGINNERS we are—even now with our CT scans and our prozac and our theories and our books. We are just getting started in understanding our astonishing, wonderful human brain and nervous system.

So we would be wise, in my opinion, not to get overly attached to a particular way of doing things. If there is a medication and regimen that works for you and you believe it helps you to function better in your life—Great! I am happy for you. And I understand that if you look on and see a dear friend in distress you will likely suggest

to them that they try in their life what you have found works for you. All fine.

You are welcome to your opinions, of course, but I do ask you to be thoughtful and cautious about trying to convince others that they should see as you see and do what you do. Share what has been helpful for you, by all means. But then stop. Don’t push. Let the other person take in the information and make a decision that is truly theirs. I realize that when a person is in acute distress that their thinking may be compromised, and you may have to be a little more directive under those temporary circumstances. I understand. But we each have to watch ourselves that we don’t get to liking the role of “Expert Telling Others How to Best Live Their Lives.” That is their load. Sometimes those who feel strongly speak strongly and, well intended or not, convince someone to go off their medications. Or they argue against doctors or therapy. They may argue in behalf of what is natural, or some other form of treatment. I realize that many folks have had frustrating experiences with western medicine. I realize there are other approaches that have brought relief and healing. That is not lost on me. But if you do not have medical qualifications you are taking a grave risk in giving medical advice. I would go easy there.

As I am using these terms, our opinions are what we all have and are entitled to, but judgements are internal evaluations we make about the worthiness of another if their opinion varies from ours, as well as the sense of supiority we may feel and the pullback we may do because we think our own opinion is The One and Only Right One.

It is a skill to be able to hold your opinion flexibly, without having the need to defend or push it. In many of our families we were loved when we agreed and obeyed, and we may have felt we would lose love if we disagreed. So maybe down till our time we tend to push our views, or we tend to hang out only with people who share our strong opinions. We may find that when we are with people who agree with us we feel better about ourselves and that when someone disagrees we feel like our whole worth as a person is on the line!

You may find it an interesting and enriching personal challenge to be able to stay in a close relationship with someone who has a very different view from yours. Imagine that you have say, very different views about doctors or medications or therapy—or anything else!—and that you are able to keep the disagreement in it’s place—like when you play a sport or card game with a pal. During the game you try hard to win, but when the game is over everybody understands it was only a game, and that you aren’t really adversaries. You could do that even with your strongly held opinions, I am sure.

It’s a task of maturity to be able to hold your opinions strongly, but also lightly. Can you can think what you think and be fully convinced and at the same time make room for the possibility that other good, bright, well-meaning people may disagree with you, and that it’s all fine just like that?