If You Are a Girl Dating a
Controlling Male
At first he seemed so considerate
and kept showing you so much attention. He was so polite,
and took an interest in the things you were interested in.
He seemed fascinated by you. But after a while that
all changed—almost like it was bait. Now you spend
more of your time backing down, trying to calm him because he
gets so mad. And you end up tiptoeing around him just so
you don’t set him off…
Or, it’s not the anger.
But he is very insistent about sexual contact, and he is
pressuring you to do things that you do not want to. He
doesn’t accept and respect your values, he keeps pushing
and insisting. When you tell him what your standards are
and ask him to respect them, does he sulk? Or get cruel
with his words?
Some guys have even said they
would kill themselves if their girlfriend did not do what he
wanted, or if she broke up with him. Then you are no
longer staying with him because you enjoy, like or love him.
You are staying because YOU ARE TOO AFRAID TO LEAVE!
Any of this ever happen to you?
Or do you even seem to have a knack for finding guys with
some of these traits?
Please understand that you are
not responsible for his feelings. He is responsible for
managing how he feels and how he acts. Same as you are
for your own feelings and attractions. If you find that
you are drawn to a man that at first may be charming but then
turns to making you feel bad, it makes us wonder: How is it
that you are attracted to a guy (or more than one guy) who
hurts you? What does that tell us about you? (I
suggest you keep the attention on yourself–whom you can
change–and not on the guy whom you cannot change.)
In all likelihood marrying this
fellow will not change him. In fact he will probably take
you more for granted and become more difficult after marriage.
And you will be so embarrassed you may cover for him and
make excuses for him.
You do not have to accept abuse
or being over controlled as your lot in life. There are
good men in this world who would respect you and delight in who
you are as a person. But YOU have to do that first. You
have to realize and come to believe that you have rights as a
person, and be ready to stand up for your own dignity.
It’s not that you have to make everything a
quarrel—you just carry yourself with the self respect
that others perceive and respond to. And when
folks—men—pick up that vibe that you respect
yourself, they keep their controlling tendencies to themselves.
They may still have them, but they take them somewhere
else now, away from you. How do you go about building
confidence and respect in yourself? Well that’s
simple, but not easy. It will take a while, but the
journey feels wonderful. Check out chapter 6 from the 10
by 10 workbook, and see if you find yourself described here.
Pay particular attention to the end of the chapter, which
offers some constructive suggestions for your healing and
growth.
